What "Midlife" really means...

            We immediately think of the guy that buys the muscle car, dresses like he is 20 years younger, and in a lot of cases leaves his wife and kids. Perhaps you’re on the other side of the coin and what springs to mind is a mom that all of a sudden morphed into a genuine cougar and runs around on her husband, but for most of us it is a painful shift in our physical and mental lives that we haven’t had to face since we were teenagers moving into young adulthood.

            It’s been more that a year since I last wrote on Hub pages. If you have read my profile you’ll know that I announced before I wrote my first article that this “experiment” of writing was something born out of being in the beginning stages of my own mid life crisis. (Crisis… I still think that’s the wrong word, because I have yet to hear a siren) The reasons that I have been absent for a year vary, but let’s just say the “mid life” part of the crisis carries a baseball bat and swings for the fences. Sometimes you strike it out and other times it hammers you for a big hit.

            The career change I first wrote about has been a good one. My early articles railing against the banking industry was a way to exorcise the bad aftertaste of working in that community. Now I truly get paid to help business owners. Keeping more money in their pocket and protecting them from making dumb regulatory mistakes with their retirement plans instead of selling them a product and moving on. (Which, unfortunately most all sales people have to do when they work on commission) So, this part of the mid life changes is moving along.

            You might recall that my last article was “Goodbye to a Friend”. Well, the part of mid life that we all have to deal with is the “mid” part. We are stuck in the middle with either kids still at home or in transition to being on their own and we have parents and loved ones that we also have to stop and bury along the way of life. The second death I had to deal with after my friend was, if there is such a thing, a good death. My grandmother, who personified the word matriarch, died at the age of 99. Her life spanned most of the significant events in history that shaped the world as it is today and she got to go knowing she was loved. Her daughter took care of her and she died at home, in her sleep, in her own bed. As I said, a good death if there is such a thing.

            The most recent has left a void in a lot of peoples lives. I didn’t realize how many people outside of the family were affected until I saw the news articles and met many of his friends and colleagues at the visitation the night before the funeral. My parents were devastated and too ill to make the trip to Alabama to say good bye, but I tried to hold it together long enough to make it there and help his wife and four children bury their dad/husband, my younger brother.

            This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Growing up he was the good kid, both in actions and health habits. I was the one that dropped out of school and polluted myself with the ways of the world. (I.e. sex, drugs, and rock and roll) As we grew older and I grew fatter, he swore off sugar and white flour. He started participating with his wife in marathons. (5 and 10k runs) He was successful and became the dean of applied sciences at the college he worked at. His four kids are a delight and too young to have to deal with this, but still Tim died after crossing the finish line at a charity 5k run in MontgomeryAlabama. I guess we never know when our time is up so in Tim’s words. “Be Ready” and “I can’t change past decisions, move on.”

            What I learned about Tim was that he had touched the lives of literally hundreds. He mentored at risk youth. He taught bible studies at his church and was a counselor for those that needed help with life’s issues. He taught night classes at another college in his home town, not just for the money (you know what teachers make) but for the older students and their need to advance themselves and helped others with their addictions. Hundreds of people showed up at the church for the funeral. I didn’t realize how much farther my little brother had gone in life. I am somewhat ashamed of my own selfish actions, wasting so much time in my life while he gave so much of himself to others.

            So that is what “mid” life is really about. Not the “second childhood” or the trying to relive the glory years. It’s about watching your kids grow up and your family members die off. I realize my tone is a bit negative here and that there are probably a lot of good things to say about mid life; second chances, swearing off things that are bad for you, but right now I miss my little brother.

So as I try to implement just one of the unselfish acts my brother did in his short life, I hope to make my own mid life crisis at least turn in the right direction. We only get one turn at the table, so think about what direction you want the second part of your life to take. Again, right now it’s hard to be positive, but I know he would say “Enough about me; move on”.

As always,

Make good decisions in life and finance.